上周，中国青年报[1]社会调查中心，对3120人进行了一个调查. 其中69.6％的人坦白说与父母有矛盾，其中59.7％的人和父母"存在代沟(不同代人之间的矛盾)"，8．9％的人经常和父母发生冲突，1．0％的人和父母"没办法沟通，像水和火一样不能在一起"。只有28.2％的人和父母关系"很融洽 (没有冲突)"。受访者中，"80后"有58.1％，"70后"有23.2％,"90后"[2]有10.9％。

只有16.5％的人认为父母施加压力对子女的成为人才有好处"我妈认为, 独立就是会自己洗衣服做饭！"一个重点大学大二学生[3]晓龙说，他的家庭教育非常严格，从小学到高中[4]，他上课以外的时间不是写作业就是看书，为了不让他出去玩，母亲还会把他一个人锁在家里。晓龙上初中时，对一些数学谜题和外国文学很感兴趣，但母亲说："看那些没用，最重要的是读书好。"

本次调查显示，近40%的青年（38.8％）认为父母太多管教控制会阻碍子女的独立个性发展；15.6％的人认为父母管制子女的做法很过时、落伍。同时，43.0％的人认为父母的经验和判断很多时候是对的，应该听.

和父母有矛盾时怎么做？调查中，68.0％的人第一个选"和父母好好沟通"，42.2％的人会"和朋友说"，26.7％的人"自己憋着,不和任何人说"。接下来的排序依次为：向亲戚诉说（17.3％），上网寻求支持（14.0％），向老师、心理医生找帮助（11.8％）等。

本次调查中，60.5％的人理解父母管制子女的原因是对子女的爱；53.1％的人认为子女应该理解父母为了子女费尽心血[5]。

北京大学社会学系教授佟新，在接受中国青年报记者采访时指出，子女和父母有矛盾很正常，只不过在"80后"子女和"50后"父母之间表现得更明显。

"这是因为当今快速的社会变化使不同代人之间的冲突更明显了。"佟新说，很多年轻人觉得父母们从自己的人生经历积累的社会经验和价值观，在市场经济条件下变得不太适合了。对于社会生活各方面的变化，可能父母还没很好地认识到，子女却早就已经很明白了。他们更愿意在新的社会条件、科技背景和知识领域中自己寻找成长。而长期形成的父母与子女间的"秩序"，又使父母很难适应子女们对独立的需要。

Last week, the Center of Social Surveys in China's Youth Newspaper conducted a survey among 3120 people. Of all the respondents, 69.6% admit having conflicts with their parents. Among them, 59.7% have 'generation gap conflicts' with parents, 8.9% often experience clashes with parents, 1% "simply cannot communicate with parents, like water and fire which can't exist together." Only 28% of the surveyed are on good terms with parents. Among respondents, 58.1% were born in the 1980's, 23.2% born in the 1970's and 10.9% in the 1990's.

Only 16.5% of respondents believe that the pressure parents exert on their children has a positive effect on children's abilities. "My mom thinks that independence means being able to wash my clothes and cook!" A sophomore student in a famous university, Xiao Long, said that the education in his home is very strict. During the years between elementary school and high school, besides attending school, he spent his time either in doing homework or reading books. In order to prevent him from going out, his mother even locked him in the house by himself. When Xiao Long attended junior middle school, he showed interest in some mathematics riddles and foreign literature, but his mother said: "That stuff is useless, the most important thing is that you study well."

This survey shows that almost 40% (38.8%) of youngsters believe that the over-controlling discipline that parents exert can suppress the development of an independent personality in children, 15.6% think that the manner in which parents control children is out-of-date. Furthermore, 43.3% of respondents believe that the experience and judgments of parents are many times correct and worth listening to.

What to do when experiencing a conflict with one's parents? Among respondents, the first choice of 68% is "communicate well with parents", 42.2% may "talk with friends", 26.7% "restrain myself and do not talk with anyone about it". Other options are mentioned in the following order: Talking with a family relative about it (17.3%), seek support on the internet (14%), address a teacher or a psychologist for help (11.8%) and more.

In this survey, 60.5% of respondents understand that the reason parents are exerting discipline is their love for their children, 53.1% of respondents think that children should understand that parent exhaust themselves and sacrifice a lot for the sake of their sons and daughters.

Professor Tong Xin, Sociology Department in Beijing University, pointed out, in an interview given to a reporter of China Youth Newspaper, that it is normal for children to experience conflicts with parents, though such conflicts are more evident between children born in the 80's and parents born in the 50's.

"This is because the fast changes in the society nowadays make the conflicts between people of different generations more evident", said Tong Xin. Many young people feel that values and experience parents had absorbed throughout their lives aren't very appropriate under the conditions of the market economy. Concerning each aspect of social change, things that parents perhaps have yet to realize are already understood by their children. Under new social conditions, science & technology background and knowledge sphere, children are willing to explore and mature by themselves. The long developing 'arrangement' between parents and children, makes it difficult for parents to adapt to their children's need for independence.

[1] 中国青年报 (zhōngguó qīngnián bào) - ‘China Youth Newspaper', a Beijing centered paper, operating since 1951, focusing on topics relevant for the younger generation.

[2] "70后"( qīlínghòu)，"80后"( bālínghòu)，"90后"( jiǔlínghòu) - The literal meaning of this terms are ‘after 70', ‘after 80' and ‘after 90', referring to the people born after the year mentioned (‘70' stands for 1970, etc), usually in the decade of the year mentioned. The ‘80后' generation carries a special significance as being the first generation of singletons, after the Single Child Policy had begun to be implemented in 1980. Though with many other events China has experienced in the last decades (‘50后' is the generation most affected by the Cultural Revolution, for instance), every generation had grew up in different conditions than those before and after.

[3] 大二学生 (dàèr xuésheng) - Sophomore university student. ‘大二' stands for second (二) year of university (大学).

[4] 小学 (xiǎoxué)，初中 (chūzhōng)，高中 (gāozhōng) - In China, kids normally attend primary school (小学) in ages 8-14, later spend three years in junior middle school (初中), before they spend three more years in senior middle school (高中), finishing school in the age of 20 more or less.

[5] 费尽心血 (fèijìn xīnxuè)- 费=spend, 尽=use up, 心=heart, 血=blood. This idiom means using up one's every resource and strength for a certain cause.